You just broke up with your girlfriend or wife, right? In fact, you have to admit to yourself, she dumped me. At the moment, you are angry, hurt and at a loss. What happened to the two of you? You thought things were going so well. And so they were. At first. But maybe you missed the little signs that your girlfriend was changing. Her needs evolved, but you did not. What are you going to do now?
Let a week or two slip by. You broke up, you are single again, but you are not a bad person. Unbelievable as it may sound right now, you will recover. You will love again. You will get your ex back, or you will love someone else.
Your life will go on. Trust me. I have been through this also. The words “she dumped me” keep pounding away in your head, but you are still the same person you were before. That feeling of desperation will pass. Really.
The good news is, many breakups can be fixed. They are not permanent. When the pain and anger have lessened a bit, take some time to think. Do you still love your former girlfriend or wife? Really and truly? Great! Then you can set about to get your ex back. You want to make it as easy and smooth as possible.
Do not put up additional roadblocks and emotional baggage on the path to your renewed relationship. So here are 5 things not to do, in the highly charged period just before and after the breakup.
First, no matter the reason for the breakup, even if she was cheating on you, do not throw a fit and dump or destroy her clothes or other stuff she left at your place. That would show a real lack of class. Instead, pack everything up in boxes and drop it at her new place, her parents’ house, or her friend’s home. Or ship it to her. Collect.
She will get the point that you want to be over and done with her (for now), but you still treat her stuff, and by extension, her, with respect. She will remember that, and it will pay dividends for you later. What if she threw out or broke your stuff? You have a right to be angry, but do the right thing with her stuff anyway. It is called, taking the high road, and it always pays off in the long run.
Second, as the days and weeks go by after the separation, do not try to argue or fight with her to change her mind, or talk her out of the split. She made her decision, now you both have to live with it. Of course, it does not mean that she will never change her mind again. Not at all. But this is how she feels right now, and you have to accept that and go forward.
Third, You argued with her anyway, and she did not change her mind and take you back. She dumped me, you are thinking. Now she has to take you back to erase that big black blot on your heart. So you start to beg and plead. Wrong move. Keep a little of your self-respect, no matter how much you love her. Remember, even now she wants you to be strong and show some character. Besides, it rarely works.
Fourth, do not date her female friends, or anyone else for that matter. If your ultimate goal is to get my ex back, making her jealous this way usually does not work, and may even backfire on you. If you date her friends, this is likely to make her mad. She is sure to call up the friend and badmouth you, carefully listing all your faults.
However, you can flirt a little! Yes, indeed, you can be friendly and pleasant to your mutual friends, and show some interest in them, without actually going out on a date. Your ex will have difficulty complaining about this. You are both free and single now, so you can do as you like. Up to a point, naturally.
Your ex no doubt knows you well by now. She knows how many girls you dated before the two of you hooked up, and what type of girl you are attracted to. So do not flirt with the dumb blonde, no matter how gorgeous she is. Do not take your ex wife to the restaurant where every waitress knows your name. This will turn her off.
Go somewhere else. And do not use those 2-for-one or discount coupons while you are with her. It makes her feel cheap, like you think she is not worth the full price.
Fifth, Maybe part of the reason you broke up was because you turned into a slob, gained weight or did not do your share of the housework (sharing the housework is really important to a woman). Regardless, now is the time to take yourself in hand. From now on, always be neat, clean, well-groomed and well-dressed, even if you are just going out to the corner store. You never know who you will meet.
Get regular exercise, lose some weight, buy some new clothes and give the old ones to the thrift shop. If you are lonely, get a dog. Dogs are good company, and good conversation starters when you are out in public.
Now that we have covered what not to do, you are ready to move on. You say, I want to get my ex back, so fill your heart with love. Now is the time to take positive action toward this goal.